It’s interesting to ponder people. All of my life I think I’ve been a people- watcher. I watch and contemplate and try to figure out why people do the things they do and compare to why I do the things I do. When you closely observe other people you start to understand your own self more and in the process of figuring out what makes others tick you get a good grasp on what makes you be you. We’re all unique. We all think we know what others are doing and why, but the truth is that the only one who really knows what’s happening to each individual is the individual themselves. It’s an odd thing in the world today that somehow people have convinced themselves that their thoughts about others are absolutes. You think someone is racist for example… therefore they ARE. No amount of truth will change the mind of the thinker; they thought it so it’s true. That’s weird, isn’t it?
Something has happened while we all went about our daily lives in the past twenty years. Something took place while the young adults of today were children that convinced them that they know what others are thinking and the reasons behind what other people do. It’s so bizarre. There’s literally no way of knowing these things. None. Even an individual telling others their motives isn’t a good indication when nobody other than the teller knows if its true. Anyone can say anything true or false. Words can be said that are the complete opposite of truth and listeners have to decipher what they’re hearing. That’s the only truth there really is. Words come out. Ears hear them. Something inside each of us decides if the words mean anything at all. It’s so easy yet so many people can’t seem to grasp this about life. So many people just hear and react. To some. Not to others. It’s very interesting. How did we get here?
I was born into a family of fabricators. I didn’t realize that half of what I was hearing as a kid was not true until I was well into adulthood myself. My family heritage, what we were doing as a family and why…I wasn’t told the truth. By the time I was in my thirties and figured it out I felt like my entire childhood had been a sham. My dad died young and my mom is now in the throes of dementia so it’s too late to get to the bottom of it. I’ve just had to accept that things were not as I believed and move on… make my own family based upon truths and strength and love. It took a few years to get my mind straight and to get myself into the right frame of mind to start to live my life being as honest with myself and others as I could possibly be. Sometimes it gets brutal. Sometimes I say things that are true that hurt and it’s not intentional… the hurting others, the truths are, but I truly don’t like to make others uncomfortable with my honesty. It’s become such a normal thing in my life all of these years later that I put no thought into it. Sometimes, after the fact, I realize that being tactful needs to come with honesty. I’m still learning that. Every day.
So after twenty-something years I think I’ve lost track of the fact that others don’t have the same desire as myself. Here I am constantly watching others and trying to figure out others and I sometimes don’t pay attending to my own ideas that everyone is unique. Everyone lives their lives differently and some people don’t care about truth. It’s weird to me because lies stole some things from my childhood. Lies are the basis behind my feeling as if I have no birth family and only have the family that I created with my daughters and my husband. Lies are the worst in my opinion. I’ll do damn near anything to help destroy a lie. I can’t handle it. Lies make me angry. Lies make me uncomfortably combative. Lies aimed at me or my family fester in my mind and in my soul and eat at me every single day while I plan how to get the truth to shine instead. It’s like an obsession within in. I can’t let it go.
In the past year I’ve been embroiled in trying to bring truths to light. I got involved in something huge and once I saw it was deceptive I backed off, removed myself and my family and immediately took to trying to fix it. This is what I do with dishonesty. I attack it. Most of the time I know it’s a losing battle. Lies create comfort and people want to be comfortable. People want to believe that every spoken word is truth and that they have a good grasp on what’s right and what wrong in our world. I think that for a great majority of people if something makes them feel good then they grab it as truth and won’t let go until it’s ripped from their bloody and battered hands. To admit that it’s a lie means to admit that you’ve been had, and nobody likes to admit that they bought into a sham hook, line and sinker. That feels embarrassing and shameful. Better to hold on to the version of truth you grabbed in the first place than to put it down and call it what it is: a lie.
Attacks against my family have happened in the past year. It’s crazy to me because I’m nobody. I’m a grandma, I don’t come from money or even have money, my family name is not tied to anyone or anything of significance in the world. I have spinal diseases that control my life and a love for the Lord that keeps me going through it all. I’m nobody. Insignificant, yet there are videos online about others thoughts that I’m racist (here we go with thoughts being spewed as truths), that my husband is a dangerous individual unworthy of love and the latest that I’ve threatened an entire family including a toddler. Me…a grandma. An insignificant older woman with literally no record of any wrongdoing in all of the fifty plus years I’ve been alive. I do this one thing though. I tell the truth. I’m honest and that is perceived as a threat to some. Isn’t that interesting? And it goes right back to how I started writing today. People believe what they want to believe and somehow this is believable to others. Me telling my truth about my life and my thoughts and my actions mean nothing in a world where people have been conditioned to think that if they think something is true then it must damn well be true. No amount of facts change people minds and in fact I’ve been argued with in that the problem is me. I should, I guess, just sit down and let these lies live… because it makes people uncomfortable to hear the truth, to hear that their thoughts are just that… words inside their head that mean absolutely nothing. I know the truth. The lying party knows the truth. The difference is that other people form ideas based upon nothing but words alone. It’s like a trap that us humans get caught in. The only way out is for the liar to fess up. Liars never fess up though. They don’t. To confess to a lie only helps one person and that’s not the person doing the confessing. So it very rarely happens.
There is of course proof. Facts and proof should, for all intents and purposes, mean something in life. But they don’t. This is our world. Somehow in the course of bringing children to adulthood we have failed. We have put too little emphasis on truths and giving too much attention to untruths that simply feel better. If you’re not rich its easier to believe that someone has oppressed you to bring you there financially. If you find yourself in jail it’s easier to believe that law enforcement picked you because of your skin color and the judicial system is racist than to see the truth that you committed a crime and got yourself into trouble. You can get yourself out too, but that takes looking at the truth… that you have to change something about yourself, that you have to put some work in and look at things in their real light and not the dim light of the lies you’ve been told. You can sit on the couch and play with your phone on social media and you can lament the horribleness of our world and tell yourself that you’re fighting the good fight, and the lies of the world will tell you that you’re a warrior. But you’re still on the couch. Your words aren’t doing anything on social media. It’s all a lie and you add your own lies and your couch buddies take it and run with it and the next thing you know you all are saving the world while your eating Cheetos in your BarcaLounger with your Apple IPHONE 50xlg. This is what they’ve done to us, to the young adults of our world. You think you’re being a fighter so it’s true in your mind. You feel like a fighter and it feels real so you run with it and ignore the facts and the proof that some people are out there marching in the streets putting their lives on the line to do the real fighting. You call those people the enemy. Those people speak real truth. Those people know what’s truly going on. The people out here fighting hear the same lies that others do… they’ve just learned to look further. Go further than words spoken. Find proof. Don’t stop simply because your buddy on the other couch said he’s legit. He knows he’s sitting in front of a computer screen while calling himself a badass and he knows that you won’t look any further than what he says. You’re badasses together while the older woman you’re attacking for telling the truth is out in the streets fighting to make life more honest for all involved.
It’s a crazy world when lies become truth and truth tellers get treated as the enemy. It’s a crazy world. I remember when our world was much more beautiful. I remember life before the world wide web. I remember clear blue skies and a bright yellow sun. I remember laying in the tall grass while bumble bees buzzed around and the feeling of being safe out in the neighborhood with friends. I remember going to bed at night without checking to see if the house was locked up and ensuring that security cameras were set. I remember a world where men cherished truth and integrity and protected women and children. I know why I fight for truth. I know why I’m not sitting on social media filling others minds with lies to build myself up. I don’t do lies. They make me very uncomfortably combative. I can’t let them go and I can’t pretend that they don’t exist. I work diligently for truth. I won’t stop. I can’t. I’m not made that way.
I came here to write about the lies. Sometimes writing things gets them out of my head and sets them free. I’m hoping this time will be one of those times. I’m also hoping that the ones who’ve shared this little writing space of mine to try to shame me are here… reading my words, laughing at the dumbness of it all. I do hope. Because I’ve nothing to hide. I’m unashamed of who I am and what I do. I’m an honest person. I worked hard to get myself out of a family of deception. It took a lot of introspection to understand what works for me in life and if my writings make even one person start to ponder their own lives and thoughts for even one second… I’m grateful and thankful that I’m the type to put it all out there on front street. Hate if you like. Bully if you like. As for me…I opt for truth. My truth. I know what goes on inside my heart and my head and I do my best to share it with whomever comes across my words. My truth is my truth. Period. Your thoughts are your thoughts and your thoughts only. Vastly different from my truth or anyone else’s thoughts even. Remember that when you hear the lies. In the end we all need each other. We all need each other to be good and honest people. We can do much together as a group. It’s much more difficult to have to sift through the masses trying to find your people.
......my place to write..... 