I haven’t been here writing in a long long time. Much has happened since I last wrote about life when my sister died. It’s been 10 months since Wendi passed and I’ve never felt more peaceful about my sister than I have in the last ten months. I know that if she were here… oh my goodness she would be nuts as a big sister seeing all of the craziness taking place since her death. She was always so over protective. I truly hope she knows that I’ve got this.
So we’re a week away from a city election. Not just any city election but one in which I’m a candidate. The way people are acting you’d think I’m in the running for President of the United States. Not to downplay the importance of being elected to city council, I understand exactly how vital these positions are to the welfare of our town. I’ve never though, seen any previous municipal election bring out this sort of ugliness. It makes me wonder why some are so desperate to keep me out of the way. Obviously something is going on that they think I will destroy. It’s very interesting.
There is some deep and criminal corruption taking place within our town. I know it and they know that I know it. I talk about it and I’m doing what needs to be done to try to stop it. Of course this type of thing comes with risk. I’m not naive about the risks involved or how things might end for me. I know. I know and I’m willing to take those risks to bring a stop to the people who want the worst for my home and my family’s future. . I know that many people don’t understand and I’m okay with that. My entire life has been events that many people don’t understand. It’s not anyone’s life to understand. It’s my life. I get it..as does the Lord.
When I was young and raising children on my own I worried about what people thought about me. I worried that people would think that I wasn’t being a good mom because of my age. I worried that someone would try to take my daughters from me. I worried that others saw me as a failure because I was a waitress and didn’t have the material things that others had. I worried about what people thought about me and because of that I acted accordingly. I did things solely for how they would be perceived by others. I knew who I was and that I was doing the best with the circumstances I’d been given. Still I put a lot of effort into making other people happy.
I’m a grandma now. I’m close with the Lord now. I’ve mentioned it before here…He showed me who I am and everything changed after that. I listen to the Lord. I act accordingly. That bothers people it seems. It doesn’t bother me. I’m not responsible for others ideas or feelings about me. I’m responsible for me and living my life in a way that is not only fulfilling to my family but to my Lord God as well. That’s what people don’t seem to get right now during election season. It’s interesting to me that strangers think that I will care about what they think about me, my life, my family and especially my marriage. My life is mine. I love my life. I never dreamed that my own life would be so beautiful and peaceful at this point in time. I spent so many years struggling to raise my daughters and just when I thought things were great my body fell apart and I lost everything. I pretty much accepted that my lot in life was hardship, struggle…picking myself up and being my own rock over and over again. I was comfortable in hardship. The medical fiasco… that almost did me in though. That was hugely difficult and it still messed with my head every single day. It propels me to be strong and to keep my body healthy above all else. That was very tough but I did it, I’m on the other side and it turned my life in a completely different direction. It made my life be what it is right now today. I couldn’t ask for anything more than I have now. I’ve been truly blessed. I have health. I have my beautiful family. I have a husband who is the gift I needed from the Lord right when I needed it most. Others don’t have to love my life. It’s not theirs to love and will change absolutely nothing in my life what others opinions are. My life is sweetly mine.
So here comes my decision to run for city council. My desire to help our community to be strong as well. I know that I have what it takes because my life has been overcoming things that could have broken me. I can do this effortlessly. It is literally second nature by now…I see the problem…I figure out what needs to be done and I do it. I knew people would come against me and they have. I also know that I have nothing to hide and because of that others have to make things up to try to make me look bad. I guess that’s the nature of the beast that we call “elections”. It is what it is.
This exact blog spot of mine has been talked about as if some sort of scandal takes place here on these pages. These exact pages that have never been blocked from public view are being treated as if someone discovered some horrible secret about me. It’s laughable but it’s also disturbing that there are people in the world who think that truth and raw honesty is scandalous and something that I should be ashamed of. I’m not ashamed. As I said…I gave up trying to be who others want me to be at least 20 years ago. I don’t do anything in my life to please others. I just don’t. I know who I am. I know that I’m a good and kind woman. This who know me personally know who I am and what I am about. I know that truth matters to me above all else. I know that truth hurts some people when it is spoken of. It’s not my job to lie so that others won’t be offended. It’s not my job to hide secrets or cover up the corrupt. It’s also not my job to make other people okay with that. I’m honest. That’s who the Lord made me to be. I’m emotional and I have a very strong sense of integrity. People will get the truth from me. Always. It’s who I am and I’m perfectly fine with it.
My honesty bothers people and I’m certain that those people are reading this right now. I am unconcerned. I do what I do and some people like it, some people don’t. I have no desire to be loved by all of mankind. I know that’s not a possibility in life. I do have the desire to bring the truth to our community so that every person knows what they’re dealing with and can plan accordingly. If my honesty hurts you…I can’t help you with that.
These pages… my writings… They’re public for a reason. They’re public so that people can see who I am when nobody is looking. These pages are my place to write with brutal honesty and to work through my difficulties in a way that works best for me. To anyone here now with the intention of trying to paint me in a bad light…God bless you. I hope that you too can find the strength to look at life with open and honest eyes. I hope that it sits right in your soul that taking my blog and trying to make it look ugly is a reflection on yourself and not a reflection on me. I am who I am. I write it down and I send it out into the world for whomever to read and contemplate on. It’s not a secret. It’s my life.
......my place to write..... 